it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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