you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
