My liver just broke up with me...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She just used a chaser for red wine.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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