I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
vagina is talking i cant
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
