Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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