Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize