4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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