please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
