oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
