I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
