her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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