Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
