The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
