Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize