When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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