You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
