We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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