Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
