Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
