He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
