it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
