She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So many bounce houses so little time
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
