All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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