I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize