Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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