He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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