Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
