I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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