I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
