Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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