Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
