he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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