Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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