Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
