margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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