The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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