i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
