There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
