What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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