I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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