That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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