I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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