I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
did you just send me my own nude
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
