did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
