she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
