see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
