I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
