ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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