Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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