I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have aggressive nipples.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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