im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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