so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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