she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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