she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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