Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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