Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize