doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
