never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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