New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Fuck appropriateness.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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