Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
