I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
