Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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