I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's shark week go big or go home
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
