allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
