Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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