My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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