he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
