At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
