oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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