I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
