It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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