dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My life is pants optional.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
