he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
