hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The struggles of a small town man whore
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
