I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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