Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
