A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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