My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm really busy with my period
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