Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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