I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
