i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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