my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize