I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
