I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
