Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
