If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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