I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
