sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
