Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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