Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
