your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
