Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is my gift to your gina
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
