An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
