marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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