Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
