i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you made out with another girl for some wings
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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