Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
