he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Floor bacon is actually really good
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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