5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
