oh god the rape fog is back!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
