Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
