I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
