my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
