Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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