I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
